Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
