I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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