I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
