I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
