Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
