a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
