in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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