He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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