I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
