It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
