I wish I could teleport
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
