Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
