my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
