Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
