I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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