I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
