She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
