Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
