I could make wine with my vomit
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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