it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
