1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
