Whoa Z and x make the same sound
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Farmville is her only friend.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
