Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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