Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
