while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
