Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
