Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
are you so shy because you have an std?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
