I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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