She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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