i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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