Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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