Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
