Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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