I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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