Umm I'm too high to move.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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