Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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