oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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