i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
