all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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