All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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