wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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