I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
