party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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