When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
