so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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