im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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