eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
