I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
