This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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