Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
